My world: The Cherryblossom Garden

Growing up, i was never a bad, rebellious or wannabe-bad kid. I listen to what older people say,i follow most of the rules, i dont go out partying,my friends are all well mannered and i socialized well with kids my age. Pretty much normal. But whats with the saying ‘born to be bad’? Some of my friends actually like being ‘bad’. Not evil,but more like naughty bad or sassy bad. There were times, i do think being ‘bad’ is much more alluring than being born good. Hehehe..So, i settled for being an aspiring bad girl. As for my close friends,i’d like to categorize them as good,bad or wannabe-bad. Hmm..for good,i’ll immediately go for Peeps. Everybody knows that. Dayah could also falls into this category but she got all twisted being best buddies with Nino. So…maybe no. Hehe. Nino,Runiz,Kay and Tem is definetely the wannabe-bad type. They do have the bad girl vibe but they could also be the sort guys take home to meet Mother. :p

Bad girls are fun but i always make sure the ones that im friends with wouldnt lead me astray. Call me old fashion or whatever, but clubbing,sexy clothes,smoking,drinking or even raunchy conversations are a bit too much for me. I dont dig that in a bad girl. Sometimes a good girl cares too much about other people and those she might hurt. Being an aspiring bad girl, i wish i could get rid of all the guilt and those weird-sad-feeling i get when im trying to cut people out of my life. It should be easy. What im trying to say is, as a normal human being, there will be some people in your life that you cannot stand being around right? They annoyed u,or maybe they have hurt or did something bad to you in the past. You thought time will heal everything and you can forgive that person so you keep on being friends hoping the hatred (well..hate could be a strong word,so i’ll use dislike..hehe) or ‘dislike-ness’ that you feel will eventually go away. But then,again..everytime you see that person you wish to cut off your hand just so you have something to be thrown to that person. (Yup..thats how Joey describe his dislike-ness for Janice). Arghh..im tired of being nice to people that i hate. Couldnt i just be bad and ignore them,hoping they would get the message and stay away from me??

I really dont know what to do. A bad girl wouldnt care about this silly thing right? She did what she wanted to do and to hell with concequences. Thats what lets us aspiring-bad girls down. There’s squeaky voice in our head saying "you cant do that-what if..??". So,what i did?? i keep on being ‘nice’ because i cant afford being bad,or rude or just scream straight ahead to that person’s face about how i feel.Huhuh..

Well, maybe i should just settled for a what-a-good-girl will do if she’s in my situation. Be patient..and hoping one day the situation will change and i can really be friends again with that particular person.Haha..wildness is surely something you have within. Cant fake it. Maybe i dont deserved to be an aspiring bad girl afterall. As for now, i might let some of my honesty go. Perhaps i’ll embrace that honesty in time. Life would be so much simpler if we learned to smirk and say, "Stuff the consequences"-and spit in the face of the great what-if.

This entry was posted on Wednesday, January 24th, 2007 at 12:52 am and is filed under Uncategorized. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can skip to the end and leave a response. Pinging is currently not allowed.