My world: The Cherryblossom Garden

D**n, i didnt log in to my friendster account for so long. Proud of my self!..Haha..actually a friend of mine said that im a friendsterholic. Everytime he sees me in GPCL,i’ll be ‘friendstering’.Just to prove him wrong, i didnt log in for quite some time. What i miss the most?? blogging la. But i blog everyday actually,just not online. A lot of things happened to me lately.This semester,most of my class kinda sucks. Except for Dr Farouk’s and Numec class (err..whats the lecturer’s name?? ), i’d have to drag my feet to every class. Oh n yeah,it may sound nothing like me but i ponteng a lot this sem. Thanks to Lutfi,some of them would never be discovered. Heheh.

I virtually met and old friend a couple of weeks ago. He gave me a message on my friendster with the title "Awak ni RAJA ke??" I didnt go by that name since upper form. So i figured,he must be somebody from long time ago. The funny thing is, in his message, he only wrote.."I think i know u,but not so sure. Kalau awak Raja Aishah Raihana,reply back k. Kalau tak,takpe.Sorry kacau". Hahaha..i checked out his profile but had no idea who he is. So i replied and said "Yup,but im sorry i have the hardest time placing you". Hoping he’ll remind me where he knew me from. In reply, he gave me a long message. Turns out, he knew me from kindergarten. He said that, if i cant still remember him by name,i should remember we used to be dancing partners. I swear i dont even remember having a dancing partner in kindergarten..no wait..i dont remember having a dance partner ever!! except for a couple of crazy nights with Runiz and Leha, i dont dance in front random people.Hahaha..anyways,its good to meet an old friend and catch up. Things i really should be doing actually. I havent meet Yus since shes back in KL,Edura,Mcla,Sheila..and the list goes on la.I miss them. Seriously, i do.

That is so in the past. Currently,im struggling with ‘friends’. Maybe because we’re older so things are getting complicated or maybe getting older its not the problem,its just i dealt with problem like a 14 year old. Hmm..i realised im so spoilt when it comes to dealing with ‘friends’. I expect a fairy tale friendship with no taddle-telling,bla bla, friends. From where i stand,i’ll always have pipah if i need an advise or comfort,i’ll always have Runiz n Daia to talk to,Nino&Tem if i need a laugh after a shit day at class, etc. So, thats why i use to have no problem getting too close to people. Little that i know,people always have other personal problems to deal with. They dont give a shit about u,they dont wanna know about your problem,they dont wanna share any of that with u.They dont care that much so dont expect everybody to be like ‘Pipah’. I learned the hard way that getting to close to a person can cause so many award-winning-soap-opera-drama. So i play safe, not to trust people as ‘friends’ so much anymore. Dont get me wrong,friends is still friends. Its just u guys have no idea how much i put my trust on ‘friends’ before all this catastrophe-friendship-event fall on me. Not a normal amount of trust u should be putting on to people..believe me!. This year,i had my heart crushed more than i had my whole life. But people say, hearts get broken all the time,you just gotta deal with it and move on. If me playing safe means ditching friends,im so sorry to make anybody feel that way. It seems that when u talk a lot,u tend to talk about things u shouldnt be talking and when u keep quite,u ditch people because they’ll think u ignore them. I’ve never been scared of anything like the word ‘friends’ are to me now. It seems that when i tried to patch things up it’ll be "trying to hard,u should just let go" shit i heard from somebody some time ago. If i let things go easy and just let it be,i still get the blame because people tend to talk behind your back and they got the facts all wrong. But then again,im not blaming anybody. I dont expect people to know exactly how i felt when maybe im the one who said it wrongly. And when u finally have the courage to get things right, it’ll be too late. Things get awkward and it might not be the same,ever. You’ll end up hurting again.

Damn,im rambling on and on. I think none of u understand this entry huh? i dont expect anyone to read anyways. Just wanna re-state the poind that I miss BloGGing. Haha..no la..that i miss the ability to talk to my friends without worrying they’ll judge,or talk behind your back and twist the fact,or bla bla..but i guess,its just the risk i’d have to take huh?? or i should keep on being this new me??-the lone ranger me- I dont think i will hurt anyone as much. and vice versa. kan?

This entry was posted on Friday, September 1st, 2006 at 6:08 am and is filed under Uncategorized. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can skip to the end and leave a response. Pinging is currently not allowed.